Dawn RN, BS, Parish Nurse available for Prayer and Resource Information. Email me: dawn.rompel@saints.org
Bethesda Lutheran Communities
Child's Grief & Loss Scrapbook
Bethesda is offering a FREE Grief and Loss Scrapbook to YOU.
The downloadable pages help people work through the grieving process and promote conversations with others during the creation and completion of the book. It is ideal for people with intellectual and developmental disabilities, families, students and those who love to scrapbook. The book includes Bible verses and prayers.
This and many other children with Disabilities Resources Available at https://bethesdalc.org/what-we-do/faith-resources/
Child's Grief & Loss Scrapbook
Bethesda is offering a FREE Grief and Loss Scrapbook to YOU.
The downloadable pages help people work through the grieving process and promote conversations with others during the creation and completion of the book. It is ideal for people with intellectual and developmental disabilities, families, students and those who love to scrapbook. The book includes Bible verses and prayers.
This and many other children with Disabilities Resources Available at https://bethesdalc.org/what-we-do/faith-resources/
Grief Share a valuable resource... walking the Journey of Mourning to Joy
How GriefShare works...
It may be hard for you to feel optimistic about the future right now. If you’ve lost a spouse, child, family member, or friend, you’ve probably found there are not many people who understand the deep hurt you feel.
This can be a confusing time when you feel isolated and have many questions about things you’ve never faced before.
“Going to GriefShare feels like having warm arms wrapped around you when you’re shivering.”
Please call Dawn, RN, your parish nurse at 541 388 2925 with any questions. More information is also available at the website: www.griefshare.org ...find a support group in your area, wherever that might be.
How GriefShare works...
It may be hard for you to feel optimistic about the future right now. If you’ve lost a spouse, child, family member, or friend, you’ve probably found there are not many people who understand the deep hurt you feel.
This can be a confusing time when you feel isolated and have many questions about things you’ve never faced before.
“Going to GriefShare feels like having warm arms wrapped around you when you’re shivering.”
Please call Dawn, RN, your parish nurse at 541 388 2925 with any questions. More information is also available at the website: www.griefshare.org ...find a support group in your area, wherever that might be.
Partners In Care Grief Support Groups: They have several different ones for various needs:
Partners in Care 2075 NE Wyatt Court Bend OR
Please call 541 382 5882 and ask for Carla to register
- Monthly Luncheon
- Coffee & Doughnuts with Bob & the Boys
- Spousal Loss SG
- Grief Relief SG
- Anticipatory Grief SG.
Partners in Care 2075 NE Wyatt Court Bend OR
Please call 541 382 5882 and ask for Carla to register
|
“O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek You; my soul thirsts for You, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. I have seen You in the sanctuary and beheld Your power and Your glory. Because Your love is better than life, my lips will glorify You. I will praise You as long as I live, and in Your name I will lift up my hands. My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise You. On my bed I remember You; I think of You through the watches of the night. Because You are my help, I sing in the shadow of Your wings. My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me.”
Psalm 63:1-8, NIV |
Holidays & Grief Article - Several suggestions to assist each other; those who might be grieving over the loss of loved one during the holiday season. (Also appropriate for your special dates like Birthday, Anniversary, Going Home Date)!
Many of us have lost someone so special that it feels like our very being is gone; perhaps that we have been abandoned, exiled like the Israelites? Jeremiah 29:11 reassures our hearts: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you & not to harm you, plans to give you hope & a future.” All of chapter 29 - Amazing! His Word is quite explicit & clear,
Jesus knew that we would have sorrow. He knew & knows & experiences our pain. Before He left this earth He promised a Comforter-the Holy Spirit- for all of us:
“My peace I leave with you, My peace I give unto you, not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” John 14:27
He explained it to us; He has prepared a place for all of us when our earthly lives are finished.
“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.” John 14: 1-4 “It’s Jesus!!!”
“Grief Share: Surviving the Holidays”
If you would like to use the internet, the website www.griefshare.org/holidays; has very good information also. Due to copyright laws, I was unable to use their information here, so I will share knowledge learned from past classes: “Sacred Art of Dying”, Death & Dying courses from OHSU, Hospice Trainings, & the wisdom of personal experiences with many, both as their nurse and as family. I pray this will be helpful to ALL of us - to glean & grow with what God has for us in this Holiday Season as we share both the sorrows & the joys of each day in our church family.
Few Ideas for the Grieving Person: Continue praying for ALL your needs & desires as Jesus prayed in John 17, accepting that it takes time to ‘feel’ God’s presence again.
Many of us have lost someone so special that it feels like our very being is gone; perhaps that we have been abandoned, exiled like the Israelites? Jeremiah 29:11 reassures our hearts: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you & not to harm you, plans to give you hope & a future.” All of chapter 29 - Amazing! His Word is quite explicit & clear,
Jesus knew that we would have sorrow. He knew & knows & experiences our pain. Before He left this earth He promised a Comforter-the Holy Spirit- for all of us:
“My peace I leave with you, My peace I give unto you, not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” John 14:27
He explained it to us; He has prepared a place for all of us when our earthly lives are finished.
“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.” John 14: 1-4 “It’s Jesus!!!”
“Grief Share: Surviving the Holidays”
If you would like to use the internet, the website www.griefshare.org/holidays; has very good information also. Due to copyright laws, I was unable to use their information here, so I will share knowledge learned from past classes: “Sacred Art of Dying”, Death & Dying courses from OHSU, Hospice Trainings, & the wisdom of personal experiences with many, both as their nurse and as family. I pray this will be helpful to ALL of us - to glean & grow with what God has for us in this Holiday Season as we share both the sorrows & the joys of each day in our church family.
Few Ideas for the Grieving Person: Continue praying for ALL your needs & desires as Jesus prayed in John 17, accepting that it takes time to ‘feel’ God’s presence again.
- Knowing & trusting when our entire lives & even our souls are in turmoil. REMEMBER we have our stabilizer “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday & today & forever.” Hebrews 13:8 “because God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.’” Never Forsake us! Those are His words from Hebrews 13:5b.
- Understanding the inability for comprehension is normal-as is forgetfulness (you are not getting Alzheimer’s Disease), still continue reading His Word, the Good Shepherd of John 10 loves you & desires intimacy in personal relationship.
- Accept the privilege of your new journey. Yes, even in your depths of grief, “The Lord will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land & will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.” Isaiah 58:11 Difficult time but worth the journey.
- Know that tears, laughter, quietness, & togetherness all have a time in this journey; use His guidance & wisdom to choose which is best for you now without guilt or feeling the need to apologize for your feelings.
- Allow yourself freedom to feel the feelings, cry, scream, and laugh, dwell on memories, and share them. Call for help if thoughts of suicide come. (Please see Suicide Support Group information on page). Realize it is normal to see & hear your loved one, God comforts in various ways.
- Take good physical care of yourself: enough sleep-use routine each evening, eat wisely-healthy choices & with others, wash your hands often-avoid contact with sick friends. Enjoy daily physical exercise- get outside in the sunshine, if able. Let His Son shine upon your heart & soul!
- Amazing how helping others helps. Ephesians 5:1,2 “Be imitators of God, Therefore, as dearly loved children, and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” –In the deepest sorrows of my life, Jesus has ALWAYS brought me joy through my using His strength to step out to loving Him through loving others-at times this is a huge “offering and sacrifice” and takes the innocence of following Him as “dearly loved children” do!
- Honor your loved one through a ritual in your new celebrations. Light a special candle. Or, one person purchased items in memory & gave the gifts to those in need.
- Lastly, please be careful of keeping too busy or of using drugs or alcohol; all ways of numbing the journey that God has for you.
- Praying for them in all manners, just as Christ commanded & at all times.
- If you are a widow or have lost a child, YOU understand, especially in the beginning. You have the experienced presence that is invaluable to the grieving spouse or parent, sister/brother or child.
- Communicate with your friend as before, they are still your friend, neighbor, co-worker, fellow brother/sister in Christ.
- Remember their loved one who died, share stories, memories; especially at birthdays & special dates.
- Calling, sending cards, emails of personal notes-not just forwards, stopping by for walks-exercise is always good for all of us.
- Invite to your Holiday celebrations without excess pressure and/or guilt to attend or not.
- Take them out to lunch. Or to a movie. Or a walk on a sunny day. Something that you have enjoyed together in the past.
- LISTENING…allow communication however/whatever is good at the moment without pressure. Whether quietness, tears, laughter; grief fluctuates with our human emotions & circumstances & often changes in an instant. (Jesus is our only stabilizer in the midst of grieving turmoil)
- Human touch is vital! If unsure of personal space, ask first.
A friend of mine has a wonderful Blog that she has been writing for many years: www.RenewRepurpose.com It is uplifting, encouraging and inspiring. Marlys's blog article is really valuable: http://renewrepurpose.com/2019/12/staying-connected-with-our-deceased-loves-ones-seriously/#more-12444 I pray that it will encourage and uplift your heart and life as you continue your journey in this place we call home for a bit-several there.
HOW TO HELP GRIEVING PEOPLE (Shared by a Friend of Trinity who grieves her loved one)
Relatives, and friends are supportive at the time of a death, during the wake and funeral, food, flowers and their presence are among the many thoughtful expressions. After the funeral, many grieving people wonder what happened to their friends. They need their support and caring even more when the reality begins to hit and the long process of grief begins. Their help is essential, since immediate family have their hands full of grief and may find it difficult to give support to one another, or may not live nearby. Your help and understanding can make a significant difference in the healing of your friend’s grief. Unresolved grief can lead to physical or mental illness, suicide or premature death. A grieving person needs friends who are willing to LISTEN; cry with them, sit with them, reminisce, care, have creative ideas for coping, be honest, help them feel loved and needed, believe that they will make it through their grief. Ways of helping grieving people are as limitless as your imagination.
1.All that is necessary is a squeeze of the hand, a kiss, a hug, your presence. If you want to say something, Just say “I’m sorry” or “I care.”
2.Offer to help with practical matters: i.e. errands, fixing food, caring for children. Say “I’m going to the store, do you need bread, milk, etc.? I’ll get them to say, “Call me if there is anything I can do.”
3.Don’t be afraid to cry openly if you are close to the deceased. Often the bereaved find themselves comforting you, but at the same time they understand your tears and don’t feel so alone in their grief.
4.It is not necessary to ask questions about how the death happened. Let the bereaved tell you as much as they want when they are ready. A helpful question might be, “Would you like to talk? I’ll listen.”
5. Don’t say, “I know just how you feel.”
6.The bereaved may ask “WHY?” It is often a cry of pain rather than a question. It is not necessary to answer, but if you do, you may reply, “I don’t know why.
7.”Don’t use clichés like “Life is for the living.” Or “It is God’s will.” Explanations rarely console. It’s better to say nothing.
8.Recognize that the bereaved may be angry. They may be angry at God. The person who died, the clergy, doctors, rescue teams, other family members, etc. Encourage them to acknowledge their anger and to find healthy ways of handling it.
9.Be available to LISTEN frequently. Most bereaved want to talk about the person who has died. Encourage them to talk about the deceased. Do not change the conversation or avoid mentioning the person’s name.
10.Read about the various phases of grief so you can understand and help the bereaved to understand.
11.Be PATIENT. Mourning may take a long time. The bereaved need you to stand by them for as long as necessary. Encourage them to be patient with themselves as there is no timetable for grief.
12. Accept whatever feelings are expressed. Do not say, “You shouldn’t feel like that. “This attitude puts pressure on the bereaved to push down their feelings. Encourage them to express their feelings.
13.Be aware that a bereaved person’s self-esteem may be very low.
14.When someone feels guilty and is filled with “If onlys” it is not helpful to say, “Don’t feel guilty.” This only adds to their negative view of themselves. They would handle it better if they could. One response could be, “I don’t think that you are guilty. You did the best you could at the time, don’t push down your feelings of guilt.
15. ”Depression is often part of grief. It is a scary feeling. To be able to talk things over with an understanding friend of loved ones is one factor that may help prevent a person from becoming severely depressed.
16.. DO NOT tell them not to cry or not to upset adults.
17.Suggest that the bereaved person keep a journal.
18.The bereaved may appear to be getting worse. Be aware this is often due to the reality of the death hitting them.
19.Be aware physical reactions to the death (lack of appetite, sleeplessness, headaches, inability to concentrate) These actions can affect the person’s coping ability, energy, and recovery.
20.Be aware of the use of drugs and alcohol. Medications should only be taken under the supervision of a physician. Often these only delay the grief response.
21.Sometimes the pain of bereavement is so intense that thoughts of suicide occur. Don’t be shocked by this. Instead try to be a truly confiding friend.
22.Don’t say, “It has been 4 months, 6 months, 1 year etc. You must be over it by now.” Life will never be the same.
23.Encourage counseling if grief is getting out of hand.
24.Suggest that grieving people take part in support groups. Sharing similar experiences helps. Offer to attend a support group meeting with them. The meetings are not morbid. They offer understanding, friendship, suggestions for coping and HOPE.
25.Suggest that the bereaved postpone major decisions such as moving, giving everything away, until later, they may regret their hasty decisions. It is best for the bereaved to keep decision making to a minimum.
26.Suggest exercise to help work off bottled up tension and anger, to relax and to aid sleep. Offer to join them for tennis, exercise classes, swimming, a walk, etc.
27. Practice unconditional love. Feelings of rage, anger and frustration are not pleasant to observe or listen to, but it is necessary for the bereaved to recognize and work on these feelings in order to work through the grief, rather than become stuck in one phase.
28.Help the bereaved to avoid unrealistic expectations as to how they should feel and when they will be better. It is helpful when appropriate to say, “I don’t know how you do as well as you do.
29.”Don’t avoid the bereaved. This adds to their loss. As the widowed often say, “I not only lost my spouse, but many friends as well.”
30. Be aware that weekends, holidays and evenings may be more difficult. 31.Consider sending a note at the time of their loved one’s birthday, anniversary, death or other special days.
32. Practice continuing acts of thoughtfulness – a note, visit, plant, helpful book on grief, attend church with them, plate of cookies, phone call, invitation for lunch, dinner, coffee. Take the initiative to call the bereaved.
Relatives, and friends are supportive at the time of a death, during the wake and funeral, food, flowers and their presence are among the many thoughtful expressions. After the funeral, many grieving people wonder what happened to their friends. They need their support and caring even more when the reality begins to hit and the long process of grief begins. Their help is essential, since immediate family have their hands full of grief and may find it difficult to give support to one another, or may not live nearby. Your help and understanding can make a significant difference in the healing of your friend’s grief. Unresolved grief can lead to physical or mental illness, suicide or premature death. A grieving person needs friends who are willing to LISTEN; cry with them, sit with them, reminisce, care, have creative ideas for coping, be honest, help them feel loved and needed, believe that they will make it through their grief. Ways of helping grieving people are as limitless as your imagination.
1.All that is necessary is a squeeze of the hand, a kiss, a hug, your presence. If you want to say something, Just say “I’m sorry” or “I care.”
2.Offer to help with practical matters: i.e. errands, fixing food, caring for children. Say “I’m going to the store, do you need bread, milk, etc.? I’ll get them to say, “Call me if there is anything I can do.”
3.Don’t be afraid to cry openly if you are close to the deceased. Often the bereaved find themselves comforting you, but at the same time they understand your tears and don’t feel so alone in their grief.
4.It is not necessary to ask questions about how the death happened. Let the bereaved tell you as much as they want when they are ready. A helpful question might be, “Would you like to talk? I’ll listen.”
5. Don’t say, “I know just how you feel.”
6.The bereaved may ask “WHY?” It is often a cry of pain rather than a question. It is not necessary to answer, but if you do, you may reply, “I don’t know why.
7.”Don’t use clichés like “Life is for the living.” Or “It is God’s will.” Explanations rarely console. It’s better to say nothing.
8.Recognize that the bereaved may be angry. They may be angry at God. The person who died, the clergy, doctors, rescue teams, other family members, etc. Encourage them to acknowledge their anger and to find healthy ways of handling it.
9.Be available to LISTEN frequently. Most bereaved want to talk about the person who has died. Encourage them to talk about the deceased. Do not change the conversation or avoid mentioning the person’s name.
10.Read about the various phases of grief so you can understand and help the bereaved to understand.
11.Be PATIENT. Mourning may take a long time. The bereaved need you to stand by them for as long as necessary. Encourage them to be patient with themselves as there is no timetable for grief.
12. Accept whatever feelings are expressed. Do not say, “You shouldn’t feel like that. “This attitude puts pressure on the bereaved to push down their feelings. Encourage them to express their feelings.
13.Be aware that a bereaved person’s self-esteem may be very low.
14.When someone feels guilty and is filled with “If onlys” it is not helpful to say, “Don’t feel guilty.” This only adds to their negative view of themselves. They would handle it better if they could. One response could be, “I don’t think that you are guilty. You did the best you could at the time, don’t push down your feelings of guilt.
15. ”Depression is often part of grief. It is a scary feeling. To be able to talk things over with an understanding friend of loved ones is one factor that may help prevent a person from becoming severely depressed.
16.. DO NOT tell them not to cry or not to upset adults.
17.Suggest that the bereaved person keep a journal.
18.The bereaved may appear to be getting worse. Be aware this is often due to the reality of the death hitting them.
19.Be aware physical reactions to the death (lack of appetite, sleeplessness, headaches, inability to concentrate) These actions can affect the person’s coping ability, energy, and recovery.
20.Be aware of the use of drugs and alcohol. Medications should only be taken under the supervision of a physician. Often these only delay the grief response.
21.Sometimes the pain of bereavement is so intense that thoughts of suicide occur. Don’t be shocked by this. Instead try to be a truly confiding friend.
22.Don’t say, “It has been 4 months, 6 months, 1 year etc. You must be over it by now.” Life will never be the same.
23.Encourage counseling if grief is getting out of hand.
24.Suggest that grieving people take part in support groups. Sharing similar experiences helps. Offer to attend a support group meeting with them. The meetings are not morbid. They offer understanding, friendship, suggestions for coping and HOPE.
25.Suggest that the bereaved postpone major decisions such as moving, giving everything away, until later, they may regret their hasty decisions. It is best for the bereaved to keep decision making to a minimum.
26.Suggest exercise to help work off bottled up tension and anger, to relax and to aid sleep. Offer to join them for tennis, exercise classes, swimming, a walk, etc.
27. Practice unconditional love. Feelings of rage, anger and frustration are not pleasant to observe or listen to, but it is necessary for the bereaved to recognize and work on these feelings in order to work through the grief, rather than become stuck in one phase.
28.Help the bereaved to avoid unrealistic expectations as to how they should feel and when they will be better. It is helpful when appropriate to say, “I don’t know how you do as well as you do.
29.”Don’t avoid the bereaved. This adds to their loss. As the widowed often say, “I not only lost my spouse, but many friends as well.”
30. Be aware that weekends, holidays and evenings may be more difficult. 31.Consider sending a note at the time of their loved one’s birthday, anniversary, death or other special days.
32. Practice continuing acts of thoughtfulness – a note, visit, plant, helpful book on grief, attend church with them, plate of cookies, phone call, invitation for lunch, dinner, coffee. Take the initiative to call the bereaved.
When there seems to be no hope....
When there seem to be no answers.....
When the pain from loss is too much.....
Help is available - Jesus Christ, Prayer, and His Word!
(These support groups might help, too!)
Deschutes County Suicide Bereavement Support Groups
Community Partners – please note that two Suicide Bereavement Support Groups are now provided in Deschutes County. Please spread the word. The contact information for each group is provided below. This information has also been added to the Deschutes County Suicide Prevention Advisory Council’s recommended resources page and the County’s website,
http://www.deschutes.org/health/page/suicide-prevention
----2nd Monday of the Month, 7-8:30 p.m. Located at Partners In Care, 2075 NE Wyatt Ct., Bend. Facilitators are Alison Sorenson and Jean Stark. For more information contact Alison Sorenson, 541-610-9500 or alison@alisonsorensoncounseling.com
----4th Thursday of the Month, 7-9 p.m. Located at Day Spring Four Square Church, 7801 NW 7th, Terrebonne. The facilitator is Herb Baker. For more information contact Herb Baker, 503-708-3047 or herbandjudy@yahoo.com.
Jessica Jacks, MPH, CPS Prevention Coordinator Deschutes County Health Services (541) 330-4632 jessica.jacks@deschutes.org
Our Mission: To Promote and Protect the Health and Safety of Our Community
When there seem to be no answers.....
When the pain from loss is too much.....
Help is available - Jesus Christ, Prayer, and His Word!
(These support groups might help, too!)
Deschutes County Suicide Bereavement Support Groups
Community Partners – please note that two Suicide Bereavement Support Groups are now provided in Deschutes County. Please spread the word. The contact information for each group is provided below. This information has also been added to the Deschutes County Suicide Prevention Advisory Council’s recommended resources page and the County’s website,
http://www.deschutes.org/health/page/suicide-prevention
----2nd Monday of the Month, 7-8:30 p.m. Located at Partners In Care, 2075 NE Wyatt Ct., Bend. Facilitators are Alison Sorenson and Jean Stark. For more information contact Alison Sorenson, 541-610-9500 or alison@alisonsorensoncounseling.com
----4th Thursday of the Month, 7-9 p.m. Located at Day Spring Four Square Church, 7801 NW 7th, Terrebonne. The facilitator is Herb Baker. For more information contact Herb Baker, 503-708-3047 or herbandjudy@yahoo.com.
Jessica Jacks, MPH, CPS Prevention Coordinator Deschutes County Health Services (541) 330-4632 jessica.jacks@deschutes.org
Our Mission: To Promote and Protect the Health and Safety of Our Community
For Immediate Help: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:
- For emergencies call 9-1-1 or go to your local emergency room.
- Deschutes County Health Services 24-Hour Crisis Hotline (or to make an appointment), call (541) 322-7500.
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or visit www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org. Available 24/7.
- For Veterans, press #1
- Aduda en español llame 1-888-628-9454.
- Hearing and speech impaired, call 1-800-799-4TTY (4889)
